Best Man Demoted

The One With The Hammered Best Man

Early on in my career as a wedding coordinator, I was unaware how much was truly out of my control. I did not have in my contracts that I was not responsible for the unruliness of family and friends, the weather, and poor vendor selection if my couple neglected to ask for my advice. It is now in every contract that my couples are required to sign.

I am not in control of how much the bridal party drinks during the day. I hear many pastors the night of the rehearsal warn the bridal party to not drink during the day because the bride and groom are entering a legal marriage and signing a legal document once they say, “I do.” 90% of the people he talks to apparently stroke out during this pep talk because I go through more Listerine strips in one day, than most people do in a year. Why 90% and not 100%? Roughly 10% of my bridal parties have been pregnant or underage.

On one occasion, I experienced one of the most jaw dropping best man speeches I’ve ever heard. I’ve grown accustomed to the, “Hi, my name is Bob and here’s a story of the groom from college, what he called and told me when he met the bride and a toast to the happy couple”… sound familiar? This speech was kind of like that… except when he got to the part where he was supposed to toast the bride and groom, there was a plot twist.

“Bride and groom, I wish you many years of happiness. Bride, you should have married me. But hey, there’s always the groom’s mom.”

Yup. True story.

Now, when my couples and I start conversing before the wedding, I ask, “how much does your best man drink? Can he handle his liquor? Does he have a thing for your mom, sister, grandma, or any other woman near and dear to you?” Every single one of my best men get a glass of water and solid food before they give their memorable toast to the bride and groom.

Remember boys and girls, it’s a wedding toast not a roast.

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